Tuesday, April 08, 2008

{Reality Bites}

Big changes afoot.
I've started writing this post ten times;
Trying to find a way to express myself
without engaging in full disclosure. I've
decided this isn't the time or place for
a complete unzipping, but I do want to
share some of what's happening. We're
dealing with real life moments, and I
don't think it's genuine or healthy to
pretend like nothing is going on. So,
this is what I've come up with for a
happy medium in the sharing department...

Life has dealt us some large road bumps lately.
Curves.
Pot holes.
Detours.
Traffic jams.
Ten car pile ups, if you will.
The resulting turns we've taken are translating
into a reality check requiring soul searching on
both our parts.

I've been taking Lexapro since mid-January. I think
it's helping; (although I may look into switching to
something else as I think I should be able to expect
more from two pills a day). Why share this?

One, it's where I am right now, and this is where I
share. If I only include happy times and sunshine --
this isn't a very realistic portrayal of my life. What
would be the point of that? Two, I think a lot
of people go through times in life when they need
to reach out for help. I'd like to send the message
that you shouldn't be ashamed if you're in that place.
When shit happens, it can be messy. My life cleaner
of choice right now includes seeking temporary relief
through "happy pills". I'm not looking for a miracle
solution though -- I've enlisted a few other elements
that I hope will act as a combined remedy.

I've pulled out of school for the semester; Which
means I'm not going to graduate in December as
planned. I'm deeply disappointed with that. But
I can't give school the focus and attention it deserves
right now. So, I've chosen to open a window for
myself in hopes that I can instead give my complete
attention to our issues and find a solution to them.
I want to be able to move forward with focus and
peace. I will be getting back to classes this summer,
making it a short break. I am still working at my
internship about 20 hours a week through the end
of April.

David and I have also decided to start seeing a
therapist together. I think it's a wonderful
decision we're both really excited about. We met
with Jeff Krehl for the first time this past Friday and
found it to be very comfortable. I've done some
pretty extensive therapy on my own, (2001-2003).
This is the first time we've done it together. After
nine years in a relationship, it seems we have a few
things to work on -- individually and as a couple.
It will be nice to have someone to guide us through
it all. I'm looking forward to the journey, and I have
high hopes for what we'll be able to accomplish.

6 comments:

E said...

I hope things look up for you soon Sam and you find the guidance that you need.

As far as school goes, it will be there when you are ready to go back. Taking care of you is most important.

I too took Lexapro at one time - for about 7 months when A was deployed to Iraq. It definitely helped and there's no shame in that.

Trujen said...

I admire your honesty.
It's very refreshing.
Not a lot of people
could do this; me included.

I'm sending you good vibes every day!
Love you!

Lindsay Teague said...

i love seeing this post from you, sam. i know that a 10 car pile up is really how you feel it is going right now. You know I'm here for ya and that eventually there will be an end to all the madness and things will get back to normal. I think that therapy is just what you guys need. You're always on my mind and I want all the happiness in the world for you!

LOVE YOU!

L

PS..I LOVE the un-sunshinyness of this post btw! Very brave!

Julie Hoopes said...

You've been in my thoughts so much lately and I feel so terrible for not touching base in the last several weeks. I can only imagine what a hard decision that was to drop the semester, but I'm glad that you are clearing your plate in order to foucs on you and D. It was probably really heartbreaking to write this post, since writing it makes it all that much more REAL. You are such a brave soul. I'm praying that you find strength and peace as you navigate your way through this rockiness. I LOVE YOU!!

JENNY B said...

lots of hugs and love Sam!
thanks for your sweet note about my puppies :)

Sasha said...

I haven't visited your site in a while, so that is why I am just now commenting. I was on Lexapro for almost a year, I decided like a dumb ass to get off of it about a month ago...obviously still in need (see comment on MB song "Lost").
"This too shall pass" Sam, and we'll get through all that is dealt to us. Just stay strong.